Beardsgivingmas Bacon Ranch Jalapeno Dip

I was in need of a tasty dip with ingredients on hand for the traditional gathering of Beardsgivingmas  and I’m pretty sure I conjured the devil in dip form. Cooking is very witchy. It could happen.

This dip is salty, spicy and addictively creamy. You will eat it all if you don’t physically remove yourself from the vicinity. Where I’m from we call that thrall, and that is definitely the devil’s purview.

Prep: 2hrs. 5 min. Cooking Time: 10 min


4 strips bacon (uncured if possible)
2T chopped jalapeno
80z cream cheese – softened
4oz monterrey jack cheese – grated
1/2 oz Ranch Dip Mix –  This is half of a standard ranch dressing mix packet (make sure it doesn’t have added thickeners if you’re doing gluten-free). I use a kitchen scale for measuring my diy dry mix, so I don’t know what tsp/T measurement this is.


Medium saucepan & stirring spoon
Cutting Board/Knife
Kitchen Scissors- optional
Small heat-safe serving dish


  1. Chop and brown the bacon on medium-high heat in saucepan. I prefer to just cut the bacon with kitchen scissors into the heated pan.Once brown, drain bacon grease, return to stove, and lower the heat to medium.
  2. Add the chopped jalapeno and stir to warm and incorporate into the bacon mixture.
  3. Add the softened cream cheese to the pan and stir until warm and the bacon/jalapeno is fully incorporated.
  4. Add 1/2 oz of dry ranch mix and stir until fully incorporated. Adjust heat as needed to keep the mixture from browning.
  5. Add 4oz Monterrey Jack cheese and stir to incorporate until fully melted.
  6. Once melted and mixed, remove from heat and transfer to serving dish. Cover and refrigerate 2 hours or until cooled.

Serve with rice crackers for gluten free, or flackers for a fully gluten free & low-carb friendly party snack. Don your beardliest beards of eating and enjoy!


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